As I walk the streets of Vedado and Habana Vieja, I find myself constantly torn between my dream to integrate into Cuban society and the reality that I will forever remain an outsider looking in. Dressed in shorts or jeans, and a plain white t-shirt, I attempt to blend in with the rest of Cuba, but am constantly betrayed by my out-of-place pale white freckled skin and short red hair. Although I continue confidently down the street, I am harangued by shouts of, “Taxi! Oh Americano? Hey my friend!” the list goes on. Even though I remind everyone that I am here to study, I am still labeled as a tourist and constantly find myself struggling between the two identities. I constantly fight between pulling out my digital camera to capture an interesting building or to leaving it in my bag in an attempt to hide my position as an outsider. As a result, rarely do I photograph what is usually a stunning scene, confining my picture-taking to when we are all on trips around the city. Although I know I should have no fear and simply snap away, the battle wages on as I strain to define my role here in Cuba.
As each day goes by, it becomes apparent to me that no matter what I do, I will never be Cuban. An obvious notion, but the desired goal for any traveler is to fit in. Even though as a student, I live in an apartment and not a hotel, I am reminded that my living situation is much better than that of the average Cuban. While I get two full meals a day, instant internet access, a penthouse view of the Malecón and Atlantic Ocean, working bathrooms and showers, and purified water to name a few, Cubans, including those who take care of us at the Residencia, in comparison have a much poorer standard of living. Not to say that it is an inferior or worse situation, just that everyday I am more and more aware of just how privileged we are here and even more back home in the United States.
However, that being said, despite the fact that I automatically stick out as a yuma, I have found it particularly easy to integrate myself into Cuban society through my interactions with the people here. Everyday, as I walk through the streets, I go by everyone with a smile on my face and, to those that meet my gaze, a friendly, “Hola, buenas. ¿Como ehta?” I have discovered that a smile goes a long way, and for the majority of the time, even those with the biggest frown on their face will brighten up and respond with a, “Hola hola” as I pass. Also, everyday I make it my business to talk to someone different, not only to practice my Spanish, but to learn more and more about life in Cuba. What I find is that this island is full of people who love to talk and are as willing to chat with me as I am with them. At one Movie Theater, after I tried to ask a few questions, a woman rushed out from behind the plastic window where she worked to ask me, “Where are you from?” What followed was an unsuspected but extremely pleasant conversation where she told me all about her family and the history of her daughter’s name. Additionally, through my encounters with the changing faces at the stadium de Jose Marti not only do I share my passion for soccer, but meet new people and continue to learn about Cuban culture.
Poco a poco, bit by bit, I learn just what my role here is. I now understand that I will never be a Cubano, will never appear to have lived here and should stop trying to fool myself into believing that I can hide my blatant American identity. But why try to hide? What I have learned is that rather than attempt to be something I’m not, I have to embrace my identity as an extranjero¸ thus integrating myself into Cuban society not as a Cuban, but as a foreigner. In this way, in the oncoming weeks that will rapidly seem to turn into months, I will continue to walk and talk to anyone and everyone I meet, not worrying about how I don’t fit in, but instead concentrating on embracing my identity as an outsider not just looking in, but seeking to understand and become close with what surrounds me. Although I forever remain a yuma and will never truly be a Cubano, hopefully in the months to come, I can become a friend or compay.
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